V-Day (or Singles' Awareness Day) Debriefing

Well I survived Singles Awareness Day (SAD) yesterday. Actually it wasn't bad at all. Got some very funny e-cards, exchanged some silly gifts with my other single friends at work, avoided the front desk (flower central), attended a sign language class, and had some good phone conversation.

Now perhaps this is coming a bit late, but just for fun, I thought I would send a bit of V-Day etiquette. Let me just preface this by saying, that after reading this you may get the impression I am an embittered single. On the contrary, this is just for fun (but kinda based on actual experiences through the years).

Tips for the Married (or Perpetually Dating) on Dealing with your Single Friends

1. Never go on and on complaining about how your husband or boyfriend never gets the kind of flowers you really like. Appreciate what you have. If you keep going on and on about it, we're just going to be tempted to call the florist and order you a bouquet of dandelions.

2. Unless you're close friends, your single co-workers don't really want to see the 3 dozen roses you got, because they've already seen the parade of 50 other bouquets people just had to show them.

3. This is the wrong day to talk about how lucky we are to be single and reminisce about your days of flying solo. We can see right through that and know you're just feeling sorry for us.

4. Asking your single friends to babysit because they have nothing better to do just adds insult to injury. If we have to stay home alone, we wanna wallow in self pity without any witnesses. (OK, I didn't do that this year, just saying that for dramatic effect).

5. There is nothing insulting about sharing your chocolate on V-Day (I prefer the peanut M&Ms please).

6. Don't avoid your single friends on V-Day because you don't know what to say to them. It's the equivalent of not looking at a disabled person because you don't want them to think you think they're a freak. Just act normal (or as normal as you are capable of).

7. Don't think that suggesting a blind date with your cousin's neighbor's ex-babysitter's big brother is a good idea. It's like saying, "spending time with someone who could possibly be a complete cad has got to be better than being alone on V-Day". How wrong you are. I'd much rather stay home and clean my grout with a toothbrush than be on a bad blind date on V-Day.

8. Don't ask, "Where's your pink and red?" when we fail to come to work donning the official V-Day colors. Remember, we have our own holiday to celebrate and I think the official colors should be black and green (in case you're wondering, those would be the opposites of white and red).

9. The S.A.D. festivities can be fun for single people. If you see a group of singles talking and laughing, don't interrupt them with your sappy romance stories or you're likely to be tarred and rolled in crushed conversation hearts.

10. You have your fun and we'll have ours. We'll try not to burst your bubble if you try not to flaunt that bubble in our faces.